To Amanda Butler Palma, working out is just like brushing teeth — a habit that’s long been essential to her well-being.

The 40-year-old danced professionally on Royal Caribbean cruise ships throughout her 20s and has led fitness retreats around the world. She became a group fitness instructor at Equinox three years ago and now manages the department for two Clubs in New York City. She even taught a handful of early-morning workout classes the day she gave birth to her first child. 

“Fitness and working out is a huge part of who I am,” she says. “...I've always been in a sport or dance, which has always been very physically demanding of me. I guess I really like that — because that's where I thrive.”

As a mom to an eight-year-old and five-year-old, Butler Palma’s commitment to her health has shifted over the years but never wavered. The workouts she used to do together with her husband, also a fitness trainer, came to a "screeching halt” and were swapped with quick solo sessions so one parent can be with the kids. “I kind of became the queen of efficiency — 20-minute workouts. Go in, be super effective, and get out because time is of the essence,” she says. “There's no more time anymore.”

Effective indeed. In October, Butler Palma partnered with an Equinox member to compete in the Boston women’s doubles HYROX, finishing with a time of 1:15:33. She’s currently staying on top of her training for the Dallas competition in November, and the duo plans to take on the New York City event next year. “I like pushing myself, physically, now that I turned 40 — just proving to myself I can still do it,” she says.

To handle the stress of this life stage, Butler Palma doesn’t follow the traditional self-care Rx. Yes, pedicures are wonderful, she says, but they aren’t enough. She relies on her support system, texting her girlfriends and “mom friends” when she feels like she’s “losing my mind,” says the instructor. She practices breathwork, taking a few moments to reset; to put down whatever she’s doing, close her eyes, inhale, and exhale deeply. Then, let it all go. 

Life moves at supersonic speed, says Butler Palma. If the kids aren’t in school, then there’s a dentist or doctor’s appointment to get to, a birthday party or playdate to attend, or some other activity to do. She still needs to juggle being a wife, a training partner, a friend, a coach. So, after that moment of respite, she moves on with her day. “Continue, because that's what we have to do — carry on,” she says.

A new addition to her self-care playbook: setting boundaries and protecting her peace, a stray from what she says are women’s “people-pleasing” tendencies. As she’s moved through adulthood, Butler Palma says she’s realized, “No,” is a complete sentence. “I feel like I’m in my next stage of life where I just don’t give a f*ck,” adds Butler Palma. “I will do what works for me, for my family. I’m okay with saying no to things. I don’t feel like I’m missing out.”

She’s agreeing to plenty of opportunities, too. In this season, Butler Palma is focused on training for her next HYROX, deepening her friendships with her children, and enjoying the ride of motherhood for all it is. “It's all such a roller coaster, even in one single day — it can have highs and lows and [you have to] ride out everything in between,” she says. “It's hard and it's wonderful, and 1,000 times I do it over again, but it's definitely challenging.”

Written by Megan Falk